Today my Dad would have been 89 years old if he were still physically alive.

Before he died I felt like I had lost my Dad in pieces as a series of strokes took parts of him from me until eventually little was left of the man I knew and loved.

Thankfully, he always remembered me and never lost what I will say was his essence.

It would seem like I would adjust to my Dad being a certain way and the next time I’d see him possibly have to adjust to him again.

His core however always remained, his sense of fun, his sense of humor, his sense of justice, his ability to speak his mind and live his life in the way he knew to be best.

I can remember wanting to help him with his confusion over where he was living when he first moved into the D.C. area.

I tried telling him he was living in a group home in Maryland to be closer to his family.

“This can’t be my home,” he would tell me.

“Look at the people who are all gathered at the tables to eat.

“They are all strangers, We don’t eat with strangers; We eat with family.”

He of course was right and so I took to telling him the “group home” was a place where he was staying to be closer to his family where all the meals were included in the cost of his stay.

I find myself singing the Joni Mitchell song Both Sides Now whereby she speaks of “something’s lost and something’s gained” in living every day.

In pausing to remember the loss of my Dad, I also want to pause to honor him for what was gained from his love and support.

I reread this morning a letter my Dad had sent to me over 20 years ago when I had told him I was no longer working at a group home in Virginia.

He wrote;

Dear Ian,

Took me a long time to fall asleep last night- It was not that I was worried about you and your future.

More so because I was so mad at the injustice of it- It is so hard to understand people- You worked hard felt an interest in the home and its residents while another goofs off and somehow impresses some one.

In the past I experienced a few injustices too, when I was fired from jobs.

My first experience was with my second job in the office of a large shirt manufacturer.

“Lucky Boy”- My salary was $8.00 per week and I was still going to school at night.

The NRA- a depression effort to bring back prosperity raised the minimum wage to $13.00 and rather than pay me the increase- I was told that next Friday was my last day- I said no- Today was my last day- Today was Wednesday- so I was paid only 3/5 of a week.

(20 years later they offered me the top job.)

Ian’s note: Being fired from “Lucky Boy” didn’t prevent our dad from making his sons “Lucky Boys” by buying us their shirts.

My second firing was in the Motor Vehicle Bureau- Our job was to inspect license applications- and compare them with last years to find discrepancies if any.

At the end of the day our work was measured and my work was far ahead of most others.

But the mens room was about two blocks from my office- The state office building is very large- and so it took me time to get there and back- One day after two months on the job I was called into the directors office- a Mrs. Harding- and she told me I was taking too much time in the mens room- She did not accept my explanation of the long walk and fired me.

This time I did not worry because I was on so many civil service lists I was sure I would get another call soon- And I did.

So all I can say is everything in life turns out for the best- Not that it is destiny- but we can make it come out so- You may feel a bit disappointed but your usual optimism will take over and I am sure you will find what you want…

And to change the subject- one other reason I could not fall asleep is that we play the radio in our bedroom- they are all old songs of 50 years ago and Mom sings along with the radio- so how can I sleep???

Ian’s note: From having polio as a young boy my Dad walked using braces and a cane.

Later in life, he was unable to walk and used a wheelchair for mobility.

Lastly, a series of small strokes left him with no short term memory, When I think of my Dad and his letter I can’t help but feel that his attitude that “everything in life turns out for the best- that we can make it come out so.”

was one that he lived by until the very end and one that my siblings and I have embraced in the way we choose to live our lives.